Wednesday, January 20, 2010

UNDER ATTACKED! Mortein to the rescue…

So, I was reading a reading book, minding my own business one quiet evening and all of a sudden I had an epiphany. I thought, “Damn I have been so lucky with my house without having any issues with any creepy crawlers.” Two seconds later the most hideous creature crawled past my right foot making a voyage towards my kitchen. A MOLOKAU! Ahh, somebody call 911! This is probably the ugliest thing in Tonga. These centipede things have a mean sting when encountering innocent people like me.

Prior to getting settled-in in my house, I had sprayed the black Mortein all around my house and created a protective barrier against any uninvited visitors. The bottle clearly states, “Creates a protective barrier for up to 6 months.” Ha! I guess in Tonga it only last up to three weeks. Anyway, I quickly reacted and grabbed the nearest Mortein spray from where I was reading (yes I am nerd and strategically placed Mortein around my house for moments like these). I sprayed the sucker and it was freaking out and moved even more quickly under my fala (mat). So what do I do next? I ran for my machete! LOL. With the Mortein bottle on my left hand and machete on my right, I was ready for the great battle that was about to happen between the molokau and me. I sprayed more towards the sucker and he started to charge after me! After realizing the Mortein was only slowing his progression towards me, I sliced it three times with the machete. The damn thing was still not dead! All three pieces of the molokau continued to walk independently in different direction after it finally accepted defeat. After that whole ordeal I swept the remains outside and sprayed my house in various locations.

The next day I had hoped my encounter with the molakau from the night before was all nothing but a dream. I got up and prepared to make some coffee when I noticed four more molokaus dying from the Mortein on the floor around my house. What the hell?!?! I quickly grabbed the Mortein spray and my machete which started genocide of all molokaus in my house. If you were watching me through my windows from the outside of my house, you would have contemplated if I had gone mad on the island! I look back and laugh, because it really was funny after I think about. The entire experience was a rude awakening of where I am and what I have to put up with for the next two years. As a result of the early morning massacre, I had sterilized my entire house and bombarded the barriers of my house with a fresh heavy dose of Mortein. Since then, I have not had any unwelcomed visitors to my house. In addition, I taped up any additional cracks around my house that may be used as an entry way by any creatures.

After the whole ordeal in my house, I was getting sick of not being able to use my pit toilet after the sun goes down. The entire thing has been inundated by cockroaches every night after resting inside of it all day. Anyway I decided to spray the whole thing with black Mortein. Two seconds after spraying Mortein inside the pit toilet, the entire thing overflowed with panicked cockroaches, spiders, and more molokaus. Ahh! I sprayed more until I used up an entire can! I kid you not; a spider the size of my fist came out of the pit toilet. Two hours later I returned to the scene of the crime and it looked everything was dead all around the pit toilet. I swept away all the dead things and sprayed one more time in and around the toilet. The entire event was such a horrific scene that I could not use that pit toilet for two days! I was pretty scarred for life. I was so glad that the school is not too far from my house and it has flushable toilets! I returned back to Neiafu a couple of days earlier than I had anticipated due to the fact that I was running out of food and I was down to a half bottle of Black Mortein left. Note to self: Buy Mortein in bulk for the outer island. In the end, the score is Feleti 6 and molokaus 0. The odds are not in my favor considering all of this only happened within the first month and they are bound to get me sometime. Mortein is my new best friend!


  1. "Strategically placed Mortien"...and you made fun of me for being scared of bugs!!

  2. yikes!! i hate molokaus! how has it been since? sorry to hear! :(

    - vava'u(an) from utah, usa